- Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:34 pm
#56843
The last several weeks of Minerealm life have been filled with intrigue. A few more dupers have left, a few old vets are returning, Spawn areas are getting facelifts, and a lot of work has been done by Intelli! With all of the wiping and reduction of lag, several features have been temporarily nerfed including redstone, water, and lava. While this is all ultimately being instituted for the betterment of our server, no one seems to be talking about a rash of disappearances that could affect us all.
I am speaking of the vanishing pigs.
Nobody on the server seems to be talking about it, but I continually find players who have similar stories to mine. My story started before the server wipe, as I was amassing animals for my farm. Cows were easy to get, sheep were tougher, and chickens seemed to flock to me on their own. Yet pigs were nowhere to be seen. Three days before the wipe I found a four pig cluster. With wheat in hand they began to follow me, but within 20 seconds they were gone. After the wipe I have only found pigs twice since, each time they vanished shortly after detection. None of the other animals are evaporating, but our pink little oinkers are quick to become ephemeral as soon as you look at them! After researching a little further I have come to a few startling conspiracy theories as to what is going on with our server’s bacon supply.
The first and most nefarious supposition is that Intelli and the administration team are trying to do away with our Realm Credit currency and replace it with a pork based economy. Golden apples are too rare, cocoa beans are too useful to make brown wool and cookies, but our seemingly low supply of sows are quite the commodity! Trading would consist of stacks of Minecraft’s first edible legal tender. Eighteen raw porkchops for a diamond, 400 cooked porkchops for a realm, and so on. The only problem with this would be difficulties with taxation. Likelihood, LOW.
My second speculation is also quite dubious, wherein that Team Mojang is of the common assumption that pork is unhealthy and desires to rid the unsuspecting American populace of ham’s hold on our appetites. Could they be of the old superstitions of the ancient Egyptians where pigs were revered, or of the Mesopotamians where they were “unclean”? Is Team Mojang in support of the power of poultry, versus the other white meat? I mean, look how easy is it to throw a few eggs around and breed a legion of chickens. Are they members of the clandestine group, the P.S.A.O.M.? I might even be putting my life at risk by talking about the underground Porcine Society for the Advancement of Other Meats, who have been vilifying pork and supporting beef, chicken, lamb, and pony meat for decades! It’s a fishy possibility, but one that could explain the rise in Zombie Pigmen related deaths in the last couple of weeks. Likelihood, MODERATE.
My final premise is the wildest and sneakiest one of all: Swine-ninja. Just because they are even-toed and hoofed doesn’t mean that they cannot be stealthy. It is alleged in numerous sources that pigs are smarter than both dogs and dolphins; our recent sighting of the Tree Pig is a great example of high hog intelligence. With the additions of a snout and piggy tail, did Notch also imbue them with boarish bravado and pot-bellied proficiency? If my sheep and cows can climb 3 block high walls, then surely a pack of pigs can disappear behind tufts of brown grass or leap up on halfway chopped down trees. They are fed up with being…. Food. Likelihood, STRONG.
Please post your conspiracy theory below. The truth is out there.
I am speaking of the vanishing pigs.
Nobody on the server seems to be talking about it, but I continually find players who have similar stories to mine. My story started before the server wipe, as I was amassing animals for my farm. Cows were easy to get, sheep were tougher, and chickens seemed to flock to me on their own. Yet pigs were nowhere to be seen. Three days before the wipe I found a four pig cluster. With wheat in hand they began to follow me, but within 20 seconds they were gone. After the wipe I have only found pigs twice since, each time they vanished shortly after detection. None of the other animals are evaporating, but our pink little oinkers are quick to become ephemeral as soon as you look at them! After researching a little further I have come to a few startling conspiracy theories as to what is going on with our server’s bacon supply.
The first and most nefarious supposition is that Intelli and the administration team are trying to do away with our Realm Credit currency and replace it with a pork based economy. Golden apples are too rare, cocoa beans are too useful to make brown wool and cookies, but our seemingly low supply of sows are quite the commodity! Trading would consist of stacks of Minecraft’s first edible legal tender. Eighteen raw porkchops for a diamond, 400 cooked porkchops for a realm, and so on. The only problem with this would be difficulties with taxation. Likelihood, LOW.
My second speculation is also quite dubious, wherein that Team Mojang is of the common assumption that pork is unhealthy and desires to rid the unsuspecting American populace of ham’s hold on our appetites. Could they be of the old superstitions of the ancient Egyptians where pigs were revered, or of the Mesopotamians where they were “unclean”? Is Team Mojang in support of the power of poultry, versus the other white meat? I mean, look how easy is it to throw a few eggs around and breed a legion of chickens. Are they members of the clandestine group, the P.S.A.O.M.? I might even be putting my life at risk by talking about the underground Porcine Society for the Advancement of Other Meats, who have been vilifying pork and supporting beef, chicken, lamb, and pony meat for decades! It’s a fishy possibility, but one that could explain the rise in Zombie Pigmen related deaths in the last couple of weeks. Likelihood, MODERATE.
My final premise is the wildest and sneakiest one of all: Swine-ninja. Just because they are even-toed and hoofed doesn’t mean that they cannot be stealthy. It is alleged in numerous sources that pigs are smarter than both dogs and dolphins; our recent sighting of the Tree Pig is a great example of high hog intelligence. With the additions of a snout and piggy tail, did Notch also imbue them with boarish bravado and pot-bellied proficiency? If my sheep and cows can climb 3 block high walls, then surely a pack of pigs can disappear behind tufts of brown grass or leap up on halfway chopped down trees. They are fed up with being…. Food. Likelihood, STRONG.
Please post your conspiracy theory below. The truth is out there.
